New Year, New Resolve
"My resolution for the coming year is so to live that I keep God’s attention and invite God’s participation and discover God’s interest in participating in this little Story of this Life that is mine."
This is what I wrote at the end of 2006-- and look at what happened to me in 2007! If mine is not a tale of "be careful what you pray for," I don't know what is!
I cannot remember another year in my life in which there was so much change and thus so very many transitions to endure. I would name them, but they are already well chronicled in this space.
And the main thing I want to comment on at this point is what I would want to call the "continuous discovery of the Presence of God." Something like that... I wouldn't for the world minimalize the challenges both spiritual and emotional that I faced during 2007. Even now, I sometimes find myself in the Book of Job, searching for language or a framework in which to understand myself and where I am in relationship to God.
I have not felt abandoned-- I want to say that. I have not found myself shaking my fist at the heavens, cursing my bad luck or God's seeming cruelty. Nothing like that. I have felt the weight of the sad realization of how much I have brought upon myself. I have discerned the consequences of my actions, and have seen what and how things have come about that have. And in the depths of those confessional moments, I have found words from Job that have helped me: I know that my Redeemer liveth... I know... And have have found evidence of God's mercy and grace-- and thus been left to face my self, and my own penchant for self-punishment over self-forgiveness.
I have been through no "dark night of the soul" that I am aware of... Not in that sweeping sense wherein one's relationship with God is completely shaken and requires re-establishing. No, if anything, I have been forced to find comfort in how I had come to speak of God; I've had to rely on the Reality of God to me, in a way and with a consistency that I might otherwise have escaped had I not had so much happen in such a short time. Thus what I said above about God's participation and interest? I have felt both last year, in poignant and occasionally eye-opening ways.
And I hope I have not failed to count the blessings along with number the losses. My youngest's establishing of himself as an adult. My first grandchild. Yes, even my mother's death... Is it strange to speak of it as more gain than loss, when it was what she wanted, and when her dying has led to a renaissance in my relationship with my father? I've been told that these occurances were different because they were "natural," as in "occurring in the course of the natural order of things." Perhaps. But then does that mean that the Hand of God was not in them, but only in the events around my loss of job and professional identity? No, for me, either way, God was "interested participant," not necessarily bringing to pass what did, as in standing with me to pick up the pieces. God has been my Comfort and my Peace.
Which brings me to this year. Two hymns play in my spirit. One is "Be Thou My Vision." I have always loved this hymn, its melody and its words. But now more maybe than ever before, it is my prayer. I can see more clearly now than back in July where God might be leading me, but I am as unsure as ever as to how to travel the path. I pray daily to see God's Vision for me now!
The other hymn comes from the Roman Catholic missal, "Be Not Afraid." I was first introduced to this song by a Dominican Nun, Sr Marcella, from whom I learned bereavement arts in the course of my initial service with a hospice. She was a saint! And the lyrics of this song have seldom had as much meaning to me as they do now: Be not afraid!/ I go before you always./ Come, follow me,/ and I will give you rest. And then, in one other line: You shall see the Face of God-- and live!
Yes, these are my resolutions for this year: God as my Vision. Being not afraid! And looking always for, perhaps to find, the Face of God.
Let's see whether this year is as spiritually deepening as the last one has been!
Blessings to you and yours!
This is what I wrote at the end of 2006-- and look at what happened to me in 2007! If mine is not a tale of "be careful what you pray for," I don't know what is!
I cannot remember another year in my life in which there was so much change and thus so very many transitions to endure. I would name them, but they are already well chronicled in this space.
And the main thing I want to comment on at this point is what I would want to call the "continuous discovery of the Presence of God." Something like that... I wouldn't for the world minimalize the challenges both spiritual and emotional that I faced during 2007. Even now, I sometimes find myself in the Book of Job, searching for language or a framework in which to understand myself and where I am in relationship to God.
I have not felt abandoned-- I want to say that. I have not found myself shaking my fist at the heavens, cursing my bad luck or God's seeming cruelty. Nothing like that. I have felt the weight of the sad realization of how much I have brought upon myself. I have discerned the consequences of my actions, and have seen what and how things have come about that have. And in the depths of those confessional moments, I have found words from Job that have helped me: I know that my Redeemer liveth... I know... And have have found evidence of God's mercy and grace-- and thus been left to face my self, and my own penchant for self-punishment over self-forgiveness.
I have been through no "dark night of the soul" that I am aware of... Not in that sweeping sense wherein one's relationship with God is completely shaken and requires re-establishing. No, if anything, I have been forced to find comfort in how I had come to speak of God; I've had to rely on the Reality of God to me, in a way and with a consistency that I might otherwise have escaped had I not had so much happen in such a short time. Thus what I said above about God's participation and interest? I have felt both last year, in poignant and occasionally eye-opening ways.
And I hope I have not failed to count the blessings along with number the losses. My youngest's establishing of himself as an adult. My first grandchild. Yes, even my mother's death... Is it strange to speak of it as more gain than loss, when it was what she wanted, and when her dying has led to a renaissance in my relationship with my father? I've been told that these occurances were different because they were "natural," as in "occurring in the course of the natural order of things." Perhaps. But then does that mean that the Hand of God was not in them, but only in the events around my loss of job and professional identity? No, for me, either way, God was "interested participant," not necessarily bringing to pass what did, as in standing with me to pick up the pieces. God has been my Comfort and my Peace.
Which brings me to this year. Two hymns play in my spirit. One is "Be Thou My Vision." I have always loved this hymn, its melody and its words. But now more maybe than ever before, it is my prayer. I can see more clearly now than back in July where God might be leading me, but I am as unsure as ever as to how to travel the path. I pray daily to see God's Vision for me now!
The other hymn comes from the Roman Catholic missal, "Be Not Afraid." I was first introduced to this song by a Dominican Nun, Sr Marcella, from whom I learned bereavement arts in the course of my initial service with a hospice. She was a saint! And the lyrics of this song have seldom had as much meaning to me as they do now: Be not afraid!/ I go before you always./ Come, follow me,/ and I will give you rest. And then, in one other line: You shall see the Face of God-- and live!
Yes, these are my resolutions for this year: God as my Vision. Being not afraid! And looking always for, perhaps to find, the Face of God.
Let's see whether this year is as spiritually deepening as the last one has been!
Blessings to you and yours!
posted by TRXTR | 5:25 PM
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