Unfinished Business

I am not a stranger to being unemployed. At an earlier time in my life, the early 80's, I was "riffed," which is yet another euphemism for finding myself in a similar position to now. I vowed then that this would not happen to me again-- but such vows do not prevent greater forces from breaking them. And I have served between then and now, churches and other employers who were, shall we say, "non-union"-- meaning there has never been in my employment history a kind of "third party protector" of my job. But I can say, whenever my employers (sacred or secular) have seemed to act unmercifully, I have always been that much more aware of God's mercy! And perhaps the quality of the divine would not be so apparent to me if the quality of the way of the world were not what it is.

In any case, I have often said that in my experience, it is more difficult to be out of work than to be working. The reasons are legion, from the generalized anxiety over where one's financial support is coming from, to the feelings of isolation and displacement, to the worry about worth (one's value often being casually measured by one's vocation and one's income), to the very practical toll taken on one's day.

Just to take this last point: without a job to ask me to get out of bed in the morning and keep me occupied all day, what am I to do wtih my time? How am I to organize my day?

Well, I've learned a thing or two over the years, and whether I've grown in "wisdom and stature and in favor with God and [humans]," or whether I've simply gradually adjusted to the constant living on thin ice which has been my employment history, in one way or another I accumulated some resources for the living of these days.

What I've done is this: I have divided my attention into four areas. One is Self-care: exercising gentleness and patience with myself; reading fiction and poetry; going to movies, maybe; being with friends; and sometimes simply exercising, and letting a certain exhaustion take me over...

Another area is Putting my Past to Peace: So there are some things that require my speaking with my former employer, about how I got here and why; and there are loose ends to tie up; and there is my grief...

Another area has to do with Looking to the Future: I have got to look for work! And I must spend time in prayer, allowing God to speak to me about God's leading... "Where do I go from here?" is an ever-present question, as you might imagine.

And the remaining area has to do with Attending to this Day: There are the slough of practical matters anyone has, from bill paying to housecleaning. It is amazing what sort of things I could easily put off before, that now I supposedly have time to attend to! HA!

Anyway, as you can see, there are "inner" and "outer" aspects to each of these quadrants: things to be done, and things to be felt, and stuff to be dealt with, always.

In that "always" is a kind of secret motivation. In that "always" is a kind of hidden encouragement. For in the unfinished business of this day, there is implicit the demand that it be finished or at least attended to on the next. And when one is as aware as I am of the living "one day at a time," I find it important not to be completely "done" on any day, but to allow the undone to give me a sense of purpose for the morrow.

So while I try to pay at least a little attention to each quadrant every day, I also allow myself to recognize that what I do not get to is a reason for the "getting up" and "getting going" of the next day.

At a time in my life when my over-riding question is "What's next?," it is importat to me to know at least in part that the next day holds something that needs doin'!

At least, that is where I am today! Blessings!